My birthday potato

Money's tight in this household so I couldn't afford a birthday cake. A birthday potato had to suffiice.

A reminder from my birthday

Well, I may have a momento of my birthday I'd rather not have. Just had a little disagreement with my laser printer - it was flashing red lights at me and saying warning but it didn't tell me what the problem was. So I punched it and a broke a piece of plastic off it. Three of my fingers have had the skin scraped off in the altercation and now my pinky appears to be broken. Well maybe I exaggerate - but the slightest touch on it and I'm in agony whereas the other fingers are OK to touch.

My "latest" bank book

Click on the picture for the full size version.

And here is the "latest" book. So, it's been over 8 years since I last darkened their door with my presence. Think I'll need to pope down and get my book updated.

My first bank book

Click on the picture for the full size version.

My bank book. The person on the phone asked me today when I opened the account - I wasn't aware then it was actually over a quarter of a century ago. I'm not sure whether this was my first bank book or whether I had one from the Post Office even earlier.

My fax friend is fucked

Yesterday my electricity was going mental as they were trying to fix it. Today my fax friend no longer works. I bet it's because of all the constant on and off of the leccy.

I have £120 in an account I forgot all about

So I phoned up the bank and asked why I hadn't received a statement for 3 years and they told me because it was only the interest that was added each year that was the only transactions I'd had. (not very good English I know). In fact, the last time I was in their bank was in 1997. I think I went in the huff with them as I lost out on £750 bonus when they went PLC. I'd been with them since 1987 (Edit : actually since Jan 1980) and because I let my balance drift below £100 for about the first time since then I missed out yet my brother who'd not been with them that long got his bonus. Life's a bastard at times. Especially Sundays.
I have two other bank accounts with a different bank. I think one had 40p in it and the other a massive 42p.

Holy shit and fuck - the delete button has packed in. Must have been the amount of times I've used the CTRL - ALT then whacked DEL. Holy shit and fuck #2 - it's magically returned.

Happy birthday to me

Well yippee-de-doo-da - I'm 40 now

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to meeeeeeeee
Happy birthday to me
(and Brooke Shields)

Electricity fixed now

I woke up this morning and the electricity was going even more mental than usual. I'm surprised I didn't run out of paper on my fax machine with the amount of "Power Failure Report" it spewed out. I thought to myself right, that's it - that's the final straw - you've gone too far this time and I was going to phone the electricity company (or gas company or telephone company or whoeverthefuck deals with electricity these days). Phone companies selling electricity, gas companies selling electricity, electricity companies selling gas and all of them selling some sort of insurance - what the hell is going on. So I think things should be back to normal now.

Place your bets

I'm going to try and burn a cd. Because of the slowness of my computer - it runs on steam - it takes about 40 minutes normally. Will these dips in power fuck it up or will I get a complete power cut. So will I make it - place your bets now.

Power going off

Twice now in the space of a few minutes has the power gone off. I get the feeling it won't be the last either. The power has been flickering for a couple of days now. I hope I had all my work saved on my other computer and nothing gets "wiped". I hate when that happens. Especially if I've been saving a document every few minutes then because the power goes off the computer decides to wipe the whole document.

Unbelievable - one computer didn't even finish the automatic "scandisk" before the power went off again. The bedroom computer has the blue screen of death every time I re-boot so I've got the CTRL-ALT-DEL it to start again in safe mode - then re-start. Fucking annoying.

The telephone starts speaking to me each time the power goes off saying it is setting my answering machine message. The fax machine spews out a piece of paper saying there was a power cut. That's the only thing the fax machine ever prints.

Lights are flickering like crazy just now but the power hasn't completely gone out - lucky this laptop has a battery to back it up.

Yay

I'd just been thinking to myself that nobody actually says that word. They may write it down in an e-mail but they never actually say it. Until tonight and I found my telephone bill which had been annoying me because of its disappearance. What did I exclaim - YAY.

Yay - the Simpsons are on TV.

Ordered another pair of jeans

Well the "two pairs for £18" offer. I'm going to place another order once those have arrived. Why don't you order two sets of two pairs just now? I hear you ask (good ears). Well Freemans have eight different offers on just now and you can only use one with each order. Six of the offers are useless. One is for a luxurious bathrobe. Looks hideous in the picture but can only be better than the one I have just now. The other offer is for a hair drier. No use to me but it's free so I'll get it anyway.

God's taking the piss now

Well, I dried out the clothes and put them back into the washing machine. Only for the fecking dial to snap. Ok - I can still turn round the thing - but I don't know what setting it will be at. Everything I wash gets done at setting 4.....I don't even know what setting 4 is now I just wash everything at that setting.

Musty smell

I left my washed clothes in the washing machine too long (again) and they've now got this musty smell to them. Musty - I couldn't remember what that word was earlier and it was driving me nuts. So now I've got to dry the clothes and wash them again. Gives me an excuse to go to the supermarket again to buy washing powder. I forgot to buy bread the last time and there's none in the freezer. Lucky those jeans arrived when they did as I had ran out of trousers to wear.

Cheapo jeans

Well my cheapo jeans finally arrived today. Lucky I was late going out to work or I'd have missed the person delivering them. £18 for 2 pair of jeans. Not that fashion conscious. I haven't wore jeans since I was about 16 but as I'm nearing 40 (in about a fortnight's time) I thought I'd try and be youthful again. What a joke. At that price I might just order another couple of pairs. That should keep me going for a wee while - unless, of course, they rip apart. I mean - what can you expect froma £9 pair of jeans. One of them are black so they could pass for trousers but the blue pair will be noticeable as jeans -and I'm very aware of people noticing me. Maybe after a wee while I'll stop caring about that. And maybe I'll stop using the word wee as much.

SA-UK :: SA-UK - Photos :: Peasie's photo

SA-UK :: SA-UK - Photos :: Peasie's photo

Right click and open in a new window.
Someone implying I look like Patrick Stewart - yeah, I wish.

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Inside my my washers and screws drawer. You can never have too many washers, screws, hooks, nails and other assorted useless things. Stuff I might use one of but by them in batches of 100 as they seem so cheap.

24 hour clocks

13:07 mean it's 7 minutes past 1. You subtract 12 hours from the 13:07 - see it's not hard is it. AND IT'S NOT 7 MINUTES PAST 3 YOU BRAINLESS TIT. I just switched on the radio thinking I'd missed the first hour of the sports program then it dawned on me it was only 1:07pm. Ah well, plenty time to write some drivel.

A bagpipe player
I've just had to put up with a rather annoying bagpipe player. I couldn't see where the noise was coming from. There are a bunch of trees in front of the school playground across the road from me obscuring the view - but from the toilet window I could see a young lad practising with an adult next to him wandering about aimlessly. Probably an examiner of some sort. He stopped playing and in the background I could hear another bagpipe player. Invasion of the bagpipe players.

My photo
I'm more and more tempted to post my photo on SAUK. I took a picture with my mobile phone. Actually I took a lot before I had one I was happy not completely disappointed with. It looked Ok-ish on my main computer but it looks completely weird (normal then) on this laptop. I'll think it over.

Too many clothes

Must have been the hottest day of the year so far. But the tiny office I work in

(there is a larger version of this picture here - right click on link and open in a new window)
http://photos1.blogger.com/img/24/991/1024/02-03-05_1554.jpg

is away from the window so the sun doesn't get to the back office. The building has a false ceiling. The real ceiling is made of concrete and so the place is bloody freezing most of the time. So when I came out the office at 4:45pm (home early for a change) I was wearing a shirt, jumper and jacket and I cycled home. I took the long way home along the prom (an extra couple of miles onto my journey) and it was packet with tourists. Tiniest bit of sun and they all head down here. I was cycling by all these people with their ice creams and wearing just tee-shirts. Did see one of the funniest sights - two little girls, one of them maybe about 5 and the other only about 3 or 4 were cycling in front of me. The younger of the two girls had a bike with stabilisers and her little legs were peddling away frantically. The older girl was wobbling about all over the prom - I was scared to overtake in case she took a wobbly turn just as I went by. I just can't get the image of that wee girls legs peddling like a maniac out of my head.

Later on in the evening I went out to do some shopping (receipt will appear later) and bought too much stuff to fit on my bike. So I had a bag wrapped round my wrist and had stuffed the lightweight "Bettabuy Noodles" into my jacket pockets. Three in each pocket. My thighs battering against them as I cycled along. Only 9p each. That was the only reason I bought them.

Happy slapping

Time for a backlash against this new fun game for the kiddies. They think it's fun to film themselves beating up innocent people - well how will they feel when folk kick the fucking shit out of them. The youth of today - they get away with murder. They know they can. Any adult fights back and they go running home to mummy and then to the police. They act so hard in their groups of a dozen. Not so hard on their own. Tme to look out the baseball bat and balaclava.

I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body

I think I should have a woman's body - but I'd still be attracted to women, although probably not attractive TO women so the lesbian bit might be difficult.

Latest shopping receipt
I haven't scanned it yet but I mentioned to someone that my shopping screamed out "single man" and they questioned why - well, this latest one should remove all the doubt. I was served by a lovely Finnish girl (at least I overheard the person in front remark about her being Finnish) - not called "Cashier" as it says on the receipt. I think they may have sussed the flaw in giving people "cashback" when they hand over a card. I knew it couldn't last. She initially asked me if I wanted cash back and I said £30 wouldn't go amiss - but she said she couldn't give me any money from the till. Another worker in the store said I could get it from another till - but that seemed a bit dishonest. She also suggested I could get some money from the machine outside the store. This seemed weird to me. I mean, I can understand the supermarket wanting to give me money - as I had been spending money in their store - but why would a machine want to give me money.
All the girls are lovely in Morrison's. I can't wait until I become a lesbian.

Relegation
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha - I won't mention the team,

but my own club's oldest rivals were relegated into the league which we are leaving. Up until last season this club had never been relegated and now they've been relegated two years on the trot. Well at least they can't sink any lower. For the first time in our club's history we'll start the season in a division above them. Oh what fun we'll have when we play them in the League Cup next August - knowing they will be below us. Gerritrightfuckinupyous-yabunchofgarnockvalleyscumbags.
Now it's just that other team from Shabby Park we need to see relegated - but I think they'll survive. One season they are champions the next they are facing the drop.

An odd dream

A weird dream this morning. I dreamt I was cycling to the village I work a couple of days a week. The back wheel was clicking in its socket thing (technical term)....at the axis bit (another technical term). "thing" "bit" what are the right names. So I stopped my bike and looked at the weel and the nuts had come loose. I was tightening them up with my fingers and someone started walking towards me. They were singing and appeared drunk.Anyway, this person started talking to me and knew me as he was talking about one of my brothers. The next thing was he was going into a large wooden toolbox that had suddenly appeared. He tightened the nuts up properly for me. He then got into a car (that wasn't in the dream before) and drove off laughing maniacally. So I double checked the back wheel to see if that was the reason for the laughter. As he drove off I noticed his back bumper had come off and was tied on again and dragging along the road....a bit like a wedding car with cans tied to the back. So I cycled off and met someone I go to the football with. I started to explain about a cup competion had been drawn in - a competition both of us thought had been dropped. In real life I only found out at 3:30am so I had e-mailed him with the news and the complete draw for the competition - they draw, the first round, second round, semi final (and obviously final by default) at the same time as there are only 10 clubs involved in this local competition.
I was talking away to him and what I was saying was making sense but his replies were totally incomprehensible. I had to ask him to repeat himself a few times and even then I couldn't understand what he was saying. It was getting frustrating.
And then I woke up.

That dongle is driving me nuts

I've now got a new design feature on my kitchen door as a result of this fucking dongle giving me jip. Yes - those are earlier punch marks in the kicten door and the handle was also snapped off in a rage. The latest feature on the door is a spoon sticking out of it after I decided to stab the door with what was in my hand at the time.

Installing that dongle has caused me endless problems. The above box appears every time Windows starts up and Windows won't load until I press cancel. All my passwords in Outlook Express have gone and I have to re-enter them. The connection to the Internet - I now need to enter the password every time I connect instead of it being saved. Even some programs I had previously "cracked" are now saying they are over the trial period. Dingle dangle dongle.

Show's yer dongle

Oooh errr missus - here's a pic og my dongle. I gave up on the cable to connect my mobile phone to the PC and went for a dongle instead. Who comes up with these names. A nightmare to install but it is installed now and I can happily take pics and upload them to my pc and then to photobucket and then to my blog. One of these days I may even phone someone on my mobile phone - nah, that won't happen for a while.

An Asda shopping receipt

Somebody elses shopping receipt. It's from Asda - I chopped the address and phone number off the receipt. Don't want people phoning up and making abusive phone calls. This person spends a lot more money than me. Jesus H Christ - I've looked at this receipt a few times now and just read what was bought and never really noticed the prices. £7.37 for a bird feeder. For that money I'd want the bird and the cage as well. Do you think I'm out of touch with the price of things these days.

Black jeans

My black jeans arrived today. I haven't wore jeans for over 20 years now. But these ones look more like trousers than jeans.

Customer Support - what's that?

How do these people justify getting a wage. They don't do anything. They don't actually read the e-mails sent to them.
I've given up on www.mobilefun.com . I ordered a new cable for my mobile phone to my pc and thought it would just be a straightforward case of swapping one for the other. Mobilefun's response was to download the latest software from mobile-action which would have been ok if they had supplied the drivers as well as the hardware/software wants to look for a driver that I don't even know the name of because it doesn't state it. I've got a thumping sore head and have just given up after wasting about 8 hours on it. I saw an offer for a bluetooth dongle and went for that instead. I'm just pissed off at wasting £14 on a useless cable.

Shut up and play yer guitar

To quote a Frank Zappa triple album box set.

Well I got out my amplifier and used my electric guitar for the first time in months tonight. But because I was using a distortion pedal I had to plug in the headphones - don't want to waken the neighbours. I've always got this fear though that the plug has come out of the headphone socket and the neighbours are hearing it after all. I haven't played the electric guitar for ages because I've been playing either the semi-acoustic guitar or the semi-acoustic bass guitar.

Filing newspapers

I managed to get something done today that I've been putting off for months/years. I keep newspapers sports pages. The sports pages are always at the back of a newspaper. So say for instance a newspaper has 48 pages. This is 12 sheets of paper folded in two. So if the back three or four pages are of sport I'll keep pages 1, 2, 3, 4, 45, 46, 47 & 48. I keep three local newspapers in this format. I've been keeping them for about 13 years now so you can imagine the pile of papers is getting higher and higher. So I'll punch holes in them and file them away in lever arch files. At least I'll keep the current football season's worth of newspapers. Previous seasons I'll keep together with metal filing clips. I managed to get a few years worth done today and my fingers are completely black.

"OK Picard, stick that in your pipe and smoke it..."

MediaPost Publications Home of MediaDailyNews, MEDIA and OMMA Magazines

What a way to go

Might need to invest in a new monitor

I've just looked at the picture of my meal
http://fatandbald.blogspot.com/2005/05/my-rabbit-food-meal.html

on my laptop computer and it doesn't look so bad after all. My monitor is too dark (even at its lightest setting).

White legs and welly boots

Have you ever seen legs as white as these?

Hiding up a chute

I think the ugly git up the top of this chute is me. This is a replacement chute for a much larger one. My little sister fell of the top of it once and bounced off her head. There used to be concrete around the base (I think that's what still there in this picture) but it's now been replaced by some weird rubbery compound (very strange to walk on if you're drunk).

So why is there a picture of me sitting up the top of a chute? Well, if I remember correctly the rest of the group (I think it was some kind of family gathering) were over at the swings. I knew they had a camera with them so I thought the safest place to be to avoid being in a photo was away from everyone else. Dagnabit - they caught me.

The wall that made me crap at tennis

Years of practising against this wall meant that I ended up hitting the ball into the net rather than above it. This must have been during "the old dears" phase of sculpting the hedge. She is definitely barking mad. I could post pictures of her to prove this but that wouldn't be fair on her.

If you look closely through the door you can see a grandfather clock. It's been there for as long as I can remember. Probably before I was born. The only time it's been moved was when a new carpet was being fitted.

My meal tonight

Here's a picture of my meal tonight :



Ok, so it's not the actual meal. In fact, what I had looks sweet fuck all like this. I had it with the biggest bowl of rice imaginable. The rice expanded to ridiculous levels in the last couple of minutes. Turned my back for a few seconds and whooooooooooosh. Monster sized rice.

Here's the latest shopping receipt. No sign of the lovely Rachel tonight. Instead I was served by "Cashier". What a crap name to give your son.



Now if you take the time to compare this receipt with earlier ones you may come to the same conclusion I have. I buy the same boring stuff week after week. There is absolutely no variety in what I buy.

I have another huge bunch of photos from my mum to go through. I've got a better picture of the wall that made me so shite at tennis as well. So I'll be posting that on my very interesting blog.

I have no memory of taking this picture of a pint. But it was taken just before 8pm.

Fpr the full size version click on the picture

Photobucket is playing up

That's a bit of a nuisance.

I had the second of my rabbit food meals tonight. I swear that picture below of my meal is getting more and more shrivelled looking every time I look at it. Lucky the real thing was good.

So the polls have closed in the General Election and I haven't voted. The think the first place (?) might declare the winner after only 42 or 43 minutes. Oooh er.

I've just discovered I can record my voice on my mobile phone - which is interesting. That reminds me - I sent an e-mail to myself of a recording. I think I'll go and find it. I did find it - but can't play it. Buulshit.
I also was clearing out some pictures from my phone and came across a very interesting picture. Well, interesting for me. It is of a full pint of lager and I have no recollection of taking the picture. It was taken around 7:55pm according to the filename. Now the night it was taken I had been with someone in the pub after the football. He left to get the 5:50pm bus home. So I was still out drinking two hours later on my own....and probably a lot more if that was a full pint at 7:55pm. I also know I sent a text message that night but it never got to its intended destination. Which is just as well as I got carried away with reporting the full time score at the football. I already sent a message at half time saying we were winning 3-0. This changed to 700-0 by full time.

Fixed my toilet

My brother was up at my flat and he managed to fix the toilet. Having looked inside the toilet cistern to see what he'd done it's just as well I didn't try and do it myself or the cistern would probably have ended up on the floor.

What have I spent recently
27-04-2005 £0.80 Newspapers
28-04-2005 £1.20 Newspapers
28-04-2005 £1.35 Computer-Active magazine
04-05-2005 £1.79 Cornflakes
04-05-2005 £0.80 Newspapers
05-05-2005 £1.20 Newspapers
06-05-2005 £20.00 (not telling you - but no, it wasn't a hooker)
Most of my payments are made via Switch or Credit Card so I think I'll list any cash payments. If I list them here I can always come back and see what I've spent when I need to fill the details into my spreadsheet.

So, you've seen my shopping receipts. Now you see what I've been spending in cash. Next it will be my credit card and bank statements. Oh wait, don't want people seeing payments to monsterjugs.com or hairy-minge.com. Could be worse - it could be chicks with dicks or even sluts with nuts.

I might actually scan one of my bank statements. From my old bank. I still have two open accounts witht them I think. Both only have about 40p in each. One is an interest paying account and one is a current account. I haven't actually used them in well over ten years but they still keep on sending out statements every six months - which must cost more than I've got in the accounts.

These things appear in the weekly local newspaper looking through back issues. Some times there are a few gems amongts them. But not this week. I might try and post these each week.
Click on the picture for the full size version.

Click on picture for the full version

Click on the picture for the full size version

According to this weeks paper Celtic supporters are getting their own back and also letting off fireworks and leaving wooden crucifixes on peoples doorsteps.

Why does nobody ever leave comments?

Why does nobody leave any comments on my blog? I know people have been here. You keep on leaving cigarette butts on the floor. And the chewing gum you leave behind that I have to clear up. So I know people have been here. I'm going to give it a week and if nobody has left a comment then I'm going to start singing Sex Pistols songs in a opera stylee voice. You have been warned.

The Tories have joined the election

http://fatandbald.blogspot.com/2005/05/my-own-poster.html

Only the SNP and Labour before but the Tories have gone their poster on the lamppost as well now. There are not really that many posters about. But when I cycled through my old village there are hundreds of them. Even annoying people going about with loudspeakers on top of their cars. It was the first one I heard of the whole election campaign. That's all you used the hear years ago. Ah - the good olde days.

I have to pay to receive my e-mails now on my phone

I was getting them free but it looks as though I'm now being charged. I think the alerts are still free. Oh well, I'll have to disable the e-mails. I can read them when I get home anyway. The only time they really matter is at an away game it's nice to read the results come in.

Why do we have to grow up

Just been looking at a picture of my wee sister
http://fatandbald.blogspot.com/2005/05/my-old-house.html

and I can't help but thinking - why do we have to grow older. Wouldn't it be great to stay at that age all the time. OK the bad points are we trust everyone and have no fears about anything and there are no dangers in our life (at least we think there are none). So why do we have to grow up into people that hurt, that cheat, that deceive. Some of us are bastards. Some aren't. There are some good people in the world. But at the young age we have no opinions. We can't argue. OK - we can whine. But we can't hurt people's feelings just because we don't share the same point of view.

This minature rant of mine isn't based on anything that has recently happened. It is based on something that happened about 35 years ago. I started to grow up. Maybe by the time I'm 80 I might just become an adult.....but I'll have to beat the deathclock first as it doesn't think I'll make it that long.

Top 20 songs of all time (nah)

I've saw a thread about this on SAUK but I can never do this type of thing.

In no particular order - because it changes all the time :
Love reign o'er me The Who
5:15 The Who
Strange glue Catatonia
Whiter shade of pale Procul Harum
Hey Joe Jimi Hendrix
Stairway to heaven Led Zeppelin
Freebird Lynyrd Skynyrd
Tuesday's gone Lynyrd Skynyrd
Simple Man Lynyrd Skynyrd
Sweet home Alabama Lynyrd Skynyrd
Thank you Dido
Green onions Booker T and the MG's
see what I mean - my mind's gone completely blank
Sultans of swing Dire Straits
Comfortably Numb Pink Floyd

An aerial view of the same meal. Again - clcik for the full picture. Lucky I cropped my feet out the picture.

My rabbit food meal

Click on the picture to see it full size. If your using Internet Explorer you may even want to hit the F11 key to see it in all it's glory.

This looks disgusting on this computer monitor but it looked tasty on my computer at work. Still, this is what I am just about to eat. I took a picture at 3am(ish) and then bunged it in the fridge as it was too late to start eating then.
So why did I have it on my computer at work. Well, to transfer the picture from my camera to this computer requires the camera to be switched on and a cable attached from it to the USB hub. When I disconnect it sometimes it freezes the computer. I couldn't be arsed doing it this morning so I took the smart media card and a card reader to work and transferred it to that computer and then to a floppy disc. I then brought the floppy home with me. It meant I could look at what I was coming home to all day as I only had six sandwiches to keep me going all day. It's now 10:25pm so I think it's time I ate the bloody meal.
And the funny thing is I will have an identical meal to look forward tommorow night as I made two of the same meal.

Time to start worrying

I've been wondering lately if I'm going a bit mad. Well, it's nearly 3am and I'm stood on a set of steps in the kitchen taking aerial photos of the meal I intend having the following night. Scary.

The moth commited suicide

The moth that scared the shit out of me (a previous post) has just commited suicide. Even though it's nearly 2am I still haven't been fed yet. So how am I obese according to my BMI......maybe it's the full packet of biscuits you've munched your way through this evening. So I just put on the remains of the packet of diced carrots and swede on the cooker and turned my back and when I looked at the pot again I see the moth in there.
I think it'll be too late to actually eat this, this evening (ehm, morning). I'll also be having "sweet and crunchy salad" - a mixture of iceberg lettuce, red cabbage and carrot. Another mix I have is a tin of spam chopped up into tiny cubes, rice and a tin of corn all mixed together with some salad cream. I don't eat all of this - part of it I already ate at lunchtime - mixed in with parsley sauce (instead of the salad cream). Six slices of cucumber and tomatoes.
So if it's too late to eat all that healthy food what will I be having at this late hour :

How dense am I? I spent the time scanning this instead of eating it. What I should have done was empty the sachet into the bowl, flatten the packet and then scan it......while it was being cooked. No brains whatsoever. This cost the massive price of 69p - the observant amongst you will have noticed I bought two of these on 1st May. The salad mix (sweet and crunchy) was 99p on that receipt for a twin pack. The Spam cost £1.39. The packet of digestives I munched my way through earlier this evening cost 39p. The Swede and carrot was bought on 22nd April and cost 49p.
I did take a picture of this same meal earlier and posted it here :
http://fatandbald.blogspot.com/2005/04/well-heres-duplicate-of-meal-ive-just.html
I think I'll take another picture this time using my digital camera rather than my mobile phone camera.

I'm obese

While visitng the death clock I had to calculate my BMI (Body Mass Index). I'm 6'1" tall and weigh 16½ stone. Maybe less - I'm not sure about my dodgy scales. This gives me a BMI of 30 - which comes under the category of obese. The annoying thing is if I was 6'11" (it doesn't go any taller) then my BMI would be considered "Desirable" as it was only 23. But I don't think I'd desire to be that tall.


Just fucking shit myself there - a tiny moth started flying in front of the computer monitor. Jesus - that's knocked a few years off my death clock in one go.

The yellow hedge

I mention below about playing tennis against a wall - on top of the wall was a hedge. Well, here's the famous yellow hedge.

To the left of little sis's head (I'm aware I haven't mentioned her name) you can just make out the goalposts of the football pitch mentioned in the previous post. You can also see the top of the "baby swings" as well as the chute - but you don't know what you're looking for so it was pointless me telling you. I don't even know who "you" are. Grass looks as though it could do with being cut.
My middle brother used to cut the hedge for my mother. He's always do it when she went on holiday and she never knew why. Well, he used to use the hover mower turned on it's side to cut the hedge. Not a very wise thing to do - hence the reason for waiting for the parents to go on holiday before doing it. When you get to a certain age you don't want to be seen with your parents so you avoid going on holiday with them. That way you can get plastered for two weeks without them knowing.
My mother went through a crazy stage with that hedge. It grew much larger and she cut bits out of it so it looked like castle turrets.
While going through all the pics - all the best ones seem to be of my little sister when she was about this age.

My old house

Following on from my post about playing tennis in front of my house - well, here's a picture of my wee sis in front of the house.


If you can see a reddish like strip behind her - that's where we used to play football. We played that much the grass disappeared and stones started coming through to the surface. Never was sure where the boundaries of that picth were. You could end up chasing a ball through the swings and it still wasn't out for a throw in. She's on the "baby swings" as we called them - although that didn't stop us from using them as well. It won't be visible in the picture as you won't know what you are actually looking for - but there is actually a path you can take from our house down to the swing park. It is behind the yellow post. The area behind her head is full of brambles and nettles. In summer/autumn we had to collect them for my mum to make jam. Unfortunately the ball sometimes ended up in this area.

Digital cameras
Just looking through all these old photos I just wish digital cameras had beed available back then. Photographs were rare because they were expensive. But with a digital camera you can take photos of anything. I'd love to be able to go around the whole of this swing park and be able to point out bits and describe them. For instance - futher to the left I'm sure there was a wee stream that used to come down into this area. A really small stream I mean. I think someone once told me that before the football pitch was there this used to be a basin like area - filled with water from this stream. They might just have been lying though. Need to ask the parents this one.

Why did I have to hold that flowery thing?

I've just been thinking about the picture below.
http://fatandbald.blogspot.com/2005/05/slightly-gay-looking-me.html
or at that link.
It was my favourite picture of me until I saw the flowery thing and though it made me look gay. I wish I was good at Photoshop and I could maybe alter it into something more masculine looking. It looks like I'm wearing some kind of school top. Reminds me of mate from school. We were playing tennis on a REALLY hot day. I was wearing a tee-shirt and shorts. He was wearing his school jumper and long trousers. After complaining about the heat I told him to take his jumper off. He did. There was an identical grey jumper on underneath.
He used to wear wellington boots all the time. I mean ALL the time. he was probably wearing them while playing tennis.

Why I was crap at tennis
I was crap at tennis. I blame it on the wall outside our front garden.
I'll draw a diagram later to explain the layout of the area in front of my house. But, in short - we had a wall which was about tennis net height with a hedge above it. So I used to hit the ball against this wall. Unfortunately that meant I was always hitting the ball at the height of a tennis neight - never above it as it would go into the hedge.

Holy shit - the computer just flickered. Count for a few seconds just in case it was lightning...........phew. It wasn't.

My football team weren't thinking

My football team decided rather than play their final league game of the season on a Saturday they got the fixtures secretary to schedule them a game as quickly as possible. The reason being that they could then stop paying their players expenses for coming to training until the pre-ssason training begins in July. Unfortunately, they must have forgotten, or not realised that all the cup winners and league winners in the West Region go into an end of season competition. This competition can't begin until all the winners are known. And that won't be until the start of June. So they'll be twiddling their thumbs for the next month.

Thunder and lightning (again)
I've mentioned my fear of thunder and lightning before on this blog. It's now getting to that time of year again. It had that kind of feeling today. I was sat in my living room watching the view out my bedroom window on the CCTV camera. There seemed to be rain falling - but when I looked out the living room window.......nothing. Then the ground started to look wet. The view through the camera isn't perfect - the colour goes weird at times. So I wasn't 100% sure the ground was getting wet. The cars going by didn't have their wipers going. It was raining. So what's this got to do with thunder and lightning. Well, when it's this kind of day and the lights suddenly dim or there is some crackling on TV I then start counting the seconds anticipating thunder. I was told that for every second between the lightning and the thunder represented 1 mile away. I did my own calculations based on the speed of sound I think and came out with the theory that for every 5 seconds it was one mile. Is that right (talking to myself) - does that mean for every second is 1/5th of a mile? I think I'll go back to my old way of thinking. And if that is incorrect I don't want it correcting by anyone reading this blog.

Trying to be young again

As my 40th birthday fast approaches I'm trying to be young again. I haven't wore jeans since I was about 16 but I've recently ordered 3 pairs. One half decent pair and a two pair set for £18 (probably last a couple of weeks). The half decent pair are marked on the catalogue companies website as returned. I probably wasn't in when they tried to deliver. At least they've stopped leaving the parcel on the steps leading up to my flat.

Death Clock
The death clock says I'm going to die in 11 years time. I tried it earlier and it said 17 years but when I changed my mode to pessimistic it said 11 years.
http://www.deathclock.com/
(you'll need to right click on this and open in a new window/tab if you want to read the rest of my entertaining blog)

My toilet's broken

For the technically minded - it's the metal S thingy hook that goes from the cistern handle to the thingummyjig inside. It broke on Sunday (1st May). I wonder when I'll actually get round to doing something about it.

My own poster

This is a lamp-post near me.

I should add my own poster to the top of it.


I'd break me neck falling off the post though.

Championeeeeeeeeees

Well, we are Champions. A combination of us winning 3-1 and our rivals having a shock 1-2 defeat means not only are we promoted but we've won the league.

A slightly gay looking me

I wasn't sure about posting this to start with. Picture must be about 30 years old now. The tree behind me is now huge and has been joined by many other trees.

I think I look a bit gay - look at the stupid flowery thing I've got in my hand if you don't believe me. Is that gay or what? Maybe my lack of girlfriends is not due to be being an ugly social misfit but secretly I'm gay. I can see a slight problem with me being gay though. I just don't find blokes attractive. And while the prospect of receiving a blow job is something to look forward to - giving one is not something I want to do. Maybe I'm not gay after all.

My mother made me a homosexual.
If I gave her the wool, would she make me one too.

Looking down on the street

Now that I've got my A3 poster in the window (see the post a few below this one) I've placed a CCTV camera looking downwards to see people looking upwards at it. And possibly hearing them mutter "Christ, that blokes a feckin' nutter" as they walk by. I caught this cyclist going by on my tv earlier.

Some pics of me and ma wee sis

Wearing a (very) old fashioned motorcycle crash helmet.



Little sis trying to escape into the field behind our house



So that's why I was called "Chinky" at school - before the term was regarded as racist.

Don't vote - it only encourages them

I've created a poster for my bedroom window which overlooks a street. Across the road is a polling station, although the rest of the time it is used as a Primary School.




DON'T VOTE
It only
encourages
them

Comment I made on someone elses blog

HaloScan.com - Comments

A shopping receipt

That post I tried to post was gobbled up in hyperspace.

I bought a sieve for 99p. An exciting life I live. £30 cash back - yippee. They really give you money if you ask for it. Nice supermarket.



It was the lovely Rachel serving me again.

Looking back through mny blog

Just been looking back at the early days of my blog. Pretty much the same as today. Writing about the same things. I was moaning about spam back then. A year ago my football team were 6th in the league and had suffered 1-9 and 0-9 defeats.

I really am getting old - I can't understand what young people are talking about anymore. I read other people's blogs and it's as if they are talking a different language. Some of the times I have to go to their profiles to see if they really are talking in a different language. It must have started with these fucking text messages you get with mobile phones....something I will never own. Shortening words and all that crap.
This is what I wrote a year ago. I was thinking much the same about an hour ago. Although now I do own a mobile phone.

Dreaming

I has a dream that I was cycling home and just about got to my flat but there was a group of youths milling about nearby so I switched my lights on my bike off and moved slowly towards the flat. But the lights didn't go completely out and I had to put my hands over the lights. I was wearing black knitted gloves. Nothing strange in that - that's what I do wear in winter. When I got to the entrance to my flat there was a huge police van parked at the door. But it was parked on the pavement and about 6 inches from the door which meant I couldn't get into my flat.
What does it all mean?

Ooooooooooh - just noticed we're into a new month. At the end of this month I will be 40. And so will Brooke Shields for we were both born on the same day.

Leaving washing in the washing machine too long

I hate this. I'll do a washing and then forget all about it. When it comes out of the washing machine a couple of days later there is that funny smell to it. It isn't nasty but it ain't nice either. And you can't even bung the stuff back in again as the smell won't go away - you have to dry the stuff first and then wash it again. Most of the time I don't actually forget about it I'm just too lazy to take it out. Or more to the point - I say to myself - I'll get it later.

Keeping the blog anonymouse

Why is it I can write anything on my blog that people I don't know can read - and online forums where I have revealed some things about me that I would never reveal even to my family? I mean I would never tell anyone in the real world about this blog. I do get worried that someone may search on my e-mail address and find this blog. Even though the e-mail address doesn't give my name, put together with other things it actually does. In case anyone cares, theesel1994 relates to a semi-professional football team I support and the year of their greatest achievement in over a century of playing football. They have another important game on Monday night - a win and they win promotion out of this godforesaken league and if another team also playing that night fails to win then they are league champions.

FIREWORKS
Most amusing tonight seeing fireworks going off. A kind of "fuck you" to the police. Let me explain. Every time Celtic get beat there are fireworks let off in a street nearby in the town I live. It is quite a substantial amount of fireworks. It is more of an annoyance to those nearby than anything else. Until a couple of weeks ago that is. Celtic had been beaten by Hearts and the fireworks went off as usual an hour or so later. But later on that evening it was announce on TV the Pope had died. Within a couple of minutes there was a second firework display of the night. The following weeks local newspaper had the front page displaying outrage at this. It has been suggested that the police were set to trap those responsible had Rangers beat Celtic last Sunday but it wasn't to be. So tonight was a kind of "fuck you" to the police. Everyone in town knows who is responsible but it's just a case of catching them in the act. The funny thing is it isn't kids - one of them is 45 years old.

Cow crossing a stream (again)

The cow was crossing the stream in the opposite direction this time. By the time I cycled by it was in the middle of the stream again but unfortunately the battery had died on my mobile phone so I couldn't take a picture.
Nobody ever phones me on my mobile. I never phone anybody. The only thing I use the thing for is to receive e-mails from a football mailing list and to take stupid pictures of cows crossing streams.
Anyway, 24 hours and all the cow has done is change direction and munch grass. I wish I was a cow.

Mobile phone batteires
How come the battery for my mobile phone lasts for a few days with constant use, is quite small and I can recharge it. Yet I need four large batteries for my digital camera, I hardly actually USE the camera and they only last a couple of hours.

Spam out of control
God I'm pissed off at every week having to delete around 2000 e-mails because they are just spam.

Missing blog

Thisaddressavailable

This is the blog I was having trouble finding. I forgot I could look through the history of sites I've visited in my browser.

How can you find a blog

I clicked on the "Next Blog" link at the top right of the page and found an interesting blog. I made a comment on that blog and intending creating a link to it. But when I came back here to try and find the blog again it was a different blog.
I think the person had Jootatstic or Joostastic in the place where I have "Fat and Bald" - I think her name may have been Julie.
Anyways - if Julie decided to see what loon was writing offensive comments on her blog and visited this blog - could you leave a comment to say where your original blog was as I only read a couple of posts and didn't get round to reading the rest.
I say the blog was written by someone called Julie - for all I know it could have been written by a 54 year old lorry driver from Cambuslang. Maybe Julie is a 54 year old lorry driver from Cambuslang....nah, I'm sure she said she was 25. She could be lying.

I wonder if that'll work......oly one way to find out. Hit the preview button fatty.

Just had a quick look through my blog - there's no way Julie would reveal the address of her blog to the lunatic that writes this one. Christ, how many people post pictures of their meals on a blog. Or ppost their shopping receipts. Just wait until I start scanning some of the photos that my mother gave me recently from my childhood.

Cows crossing a stream.
I was cycling home and saw this. One cow was in the middle of the stream but by the time I had stopped my bike, turned round and cycled back it was over the other side. You ought to have seen the dirty look it was giving me for taking the picture. (Or maybe I just imagined that bit). Anyway, the calves were shitebags and didn't venture across. Hey you stupid dumbfucks - what is that down the bottom of the picture. Yes, it's a bridge and guess what that is used for. Jesus cows are sooooooooo fecking dumb.

Why do I always forget what I'm going to write on my blog
Every day this seems to happen to me. I'll think of something interesting to write on my blog but by the time I get home it will be gone from my brain and instead I just end up writing drivel.

1 hour 22 minutes fast
There are times in the past where my bedside clock has been maybe 10 minutes fast. I will know it is 10 minutes fast and I will subtract the 10 minutes from the time on the clock. It's a kind of psychological thing. At the moment the clock is 1 hour 22 minutes fast. The power in my flat went off and I can't be arsed changing the time on the clock. Funny thing when the power goes off as when the power returns a second or so later my phone starts speaking to me saying it is resetting something or other, the printers start up again, the fax machine spews out a paper saying there has been a power interruption (at a time and date which has no relevance to the actual time).

Finally got the VAT return done
Took it down to the person I was doing the return for. He was in company of a few other people and he said to me jokingly "just tear it up". Usually he asks how much it is and regardless of what I say he will always ask "as much as that?" Funny thing is it was only about £4 more than the last time.....usually there a a few thousand pounds of a difference.

I don't think they charge me for e-mails on my mobile
I've been sending and receiving e-mails on my phone almost right from the start. I haven't been charged for any yet. I'm on "pay as you go". Someone said to me you get the first month free but I've had the phone for over a month now and I'm still getting them free. Having said that, knowing my luck by tomorrow they'll have started charging me for them.

I'm still hungry

So I've eaten the lovely meal pictured below but I'm still hungry. Many digestive biscuits have been munched but my stomach still cries out for more food. A bowl of cornflakes (at 1:30am for fecks sake) - not enough. Oh yeah, and another thing, that fecking VAT Return has still not been done yet. Think I'll go off for a shower soon. That should help me get to sleep. Not!!!

Crazy dreams
Another crazy dream - this time I was walking through the putting green in my old village. Their was a group of youngsters milling about at the tennis pavillion looking at me. I was having difficulty in walking, in fact, I was having to dig a stick into the ground and then drag myself towards the stick in order to move forwards. When I passed by this group a couple of them started throwing objects at me. Funny thing is that someone then described to me how many objects were thrown and on whcih part of my body they struck me.

Photos from my youth
I had my mother search for a photo of me as a kid today but she couldn't find it. She is going on holiday (later on this morning) so the last thing she wanted to hear was I was lookng for a particular photo. She gave me a bundle of photos to go through and see if it was amongst them - it wasn't. Also not there is a photo of me when I took my meal into the middle of the field behind our house - I was in the huff with my parents. Our house - I haven't lived there for 16 years now. I thnk I'll scan some of the photos and post them here. Strange seeing some buildings that have since been knocked down. Also strange is a photo taken down the beach in my old village. There are quite a few people playing there or in swimming. I'll always remember that - there used to be tons of people down the beach in summer. Now, there isn't anyone. Maybe just the odd person out for a walk. But before whole families would spend the whole afternoon there. Thgere would be people in the water with their inner tubes from truck tyres. God - they were great things.

Well, here's a duplicate of the meal I've just had. Colour's a bit fucked up but this is what I've got to look forward to tomorrow. At least I'll have it at a sensible time as I won't be putting off making it.

In pain

I' m in a lot of pain. My neck is in absolute agony. When I have to look behind me I have to turn my whole body round. I near had a crash while out on my bike earlier as I couldn't turn right round and I kind of lost my balance.

Healthy eating
I just had the biggest salad meal in my life. It's meant to be healthy but the amount I stuffed down my throat can't be that healthy. What also can't be healthy is having your main meal of the day at midnight. Which reminds me - I've a VAT return to get finished before tomorrow morning. Christ - why do I leave these things so late. It's now 1:30am and I've been sat at this computer instead of sat at the other one getting the VAT return done.


Well I've now discovered how to use a photo here that I have hosted elsewhere - but I can only do it with small photos. Still, it is a lot easier than using that annoying program I have to use for uploading photies.

Haven't got round to eating this yet.

Parents can be cruel at times.......
According to the date on the back of this picture I must have been 6 at the time. It was dated November 1971 so I can only assume it was a Halloween picture - I don't think I dressed like that all the time. I'm the one on the right. I have no idea what that thing is on my head. Maybe this is where my fascination I have for putting things on my head came from. My mother says she has a picture of me with about 8 different hats on my head one on top of the other sleeping in bed. The other two in the picture are my cousins.
I posted this elsewhere and the comment was made about my cousin in the middle looking like he was in the Ku Klus Klan - well, I actually think he is meant to be a ghost.

Four days later and this time the lovely Rachel served me.

My shopping receipt. The Safeway store has finally become Morrisons.

Seeing how the rubbish grows outside my flat. Unfortunately one extra thing arrived as I was getting my camera. We shall see if other neighbours decide to get rid of their crap.

PostSecret

PostSecret

A site for posting secrets.
I like the one where the person swapped parking tickets.

SA-UK :: The Lounge :: My shopping receipt

SA-UK :: The Lounge :: My shopping receipt

A post I made on the SA-UK website but I probably should have made here instead. I could copy and paste the thing here but I'd have to re-upload the picture here using another program. I wish they'd invent another way of doing it.

Companies House

Well, Companies House has reduced its prices for finding out about Ltd companies. It used to be £5 for a copy of a companies balance sheet and noiw it's only £1. So I've been seeing just how much a few local businesses are actually worth. Unfortunately, some of them appear to be calling themselves Blah Blah Ltd when they are Ltd at all.Wonder if that's legal. I think I'll try and find out.

I think I've got the flu coming on

I feel lousy just now. Coffee tastes weird. I can't smell anything. My body feels generally week. I think I've got the flu coming on. Man flu. Real bad. I'll force myself to go to work tomorrow and I'll have to go to the football on Saturday - after that I'll just rest in bed.

I haven't taken any pictures on my mobile in ages now. I'll take my proper camera tomorrow as well as it shouldn't be dark by the time I come home. Princess Ann was in town on Wednesday. Luckily I missed her. I'm scared she might have known I had a dream about her - possibly about 15 years ago. I can't get the dream out my head. She ordered me to have sex with her or I'd have my head chopped off. Actually, she is the only member of the royal family I like. I've dreamt about Dot Cotton out of Eastenders. I had a brilliant dream about Gabriella Sabatini the Argentinian tennis player - then some bastard ouside in the street woke me up from my dream by his drunken shouting. What a complete and utter bastard. I was tempted to go outside and tell him I was just about to shag Gabby when he interupted.

Methinks my IPS has made a mistake

I've had a regrade of the broadband service I use. I was previously on 576,000bps and was told the new service would be twice this speed but for the same monthly fee. Well, I'm now on 2,272,000bps and according to the e-mail I got from them I'll still be paying the same price. I won't tell them if you don't.

I don't really notice much of a difference when surfing the web but my e-mails download in a blast and my porn, ehm, I mean music files, download in a blast.

Still having trouble breathing. Coughing and spluttering like an old man that smokes 40 cigarettes a day. I really will need to face away from the monitor when coughing.

My gas bill has come in and they owe me £5.44...but the buggers will just carry it forward to the next account. What else exciting has happened to me today......................................nah - can't think of anything. I found the leaflet that came with my first computer.

Compaq Presario 433
Intel 486sx/33 Processor
4MB RAM
200MB Hard Disk Drive
Integrated SVGA 14" colour monitor

Software installed
MS-Dos 6
Microsoft Windows 3.1 (at least it never crashed on me once unlike "Fucking Windows 98" which crashes at least once a day)

Still got that computer. I think it cost £1100. The black and white printer I bought cost £320. Nowadays you can buy a scanner/photocopier/fax machine/colour printer for under £50.

Memories of Hampden Park

This dust in my throat has brought back memories of Scotland games at Hampden Park. We'd always make our way to "J Section"....more commonly known as "the Rangers end". It was covered, the "Celtic end" was uncovered. Even if our tickets were for the Celtic end we'd always make our way round to J Section by jumping the fences. Having looked at the size and type of fences back then I'd never be able to do it sober. They were quite tall with nasty spikes on top. But if you're drunk you don't really care about that. Long before all-seated stadium became a requirement in the UK the Rangers end was a covered terracing. And before it was concreted it was just dust on the ground. So if Scotland scored you'd have thousands of feet churning up this dust and you'd have to insert your scarf into your mouth to breathe through (or tie the scarf round your face). Going back on the train you'd blow your nose and all that would come out was this black mess. I miss those days. As disgusting as it sounds you couldnae beat it. A goal would be scored and you'd end up about 20 yards away from where you started minus a shoe. Even funnier was before the drinks ban in 1980 seeing them clear up all the bottles and cans from the terracing.

One of my funniest memories at Hampden was when Scotland played England. The England fans decided to fight the Scotland fans. Somehow my cousin had managed to find himself in the England section (at the Celtic end) for this match. During this riot he was photographed in the Saturday evening football paper (sadly no longer published) - there are hundreds of England fans going berserk and in the middle of it all is my cousin on his own who had fallen asleep while standing up leaning against a barrier. He was quite proud of that picture and put it up on his bedroom wall. His mother didn't share his pride.

No "life flashing before my eyes"

I thought I was going to die today - but I did not get the "life flashing before my eyes". Let me explain. I wrote before about my lack of sleep because I couldn't breathe. Well, I was cycling to work and got to the bugger of a hill on the outskirts of town. I was out of breath by this time and as I went up the hill I thought I was going to run out of breath. My heart got faster at the prospect and so I tried to breathe harder. I was on the verge of a full scale panic attack as I thought I was about to die. But no life flashing before my eyes. Probably sums up my life (he says depressingly) the fact there was nothing there.

Finding out shortcuts after all this time

Fat and Bald

I've had a computer of one type or another since 1984 (OK - I had an Amstrad PCW10 back then and that's not really a computer....but it did have a keyboard, monitor and printer). I've been using the internet since 1987 - and using Internet Explorer. Yet it is only in the last week I've found you can drag a link to the address bar and it'll open that page. What's the point in that I hear you ask? Well, this heap of a computer doesn't like opening new browser windows - it tends to crash when this happens. But I don't know if a link is going to try and open in a new window or in the same browser so dragging it means I no longer have to worry.

There was another shortcut I only just found out about but I can't remember what it is. I'll probably remember as soon as I press the "publish" button.

A sleepless night

I knew it was going to happen but I got no sleep last night. I'd decided to hoover underneath the desk where my computer is. Haven't done it in years due to the amount of cables in the way. Anyway - I had to get right under the desk and start brushing the dust away from the skirting board and from underneath the massive pile of cables that's built up over the years. I could hardly breathe at that point so I knew by the time I went to bed I'd have no chance whatsoever.......and I was right. Even getting up at 3:30am for a pie with salad cream didn't cure me. But it does give you an idea why this blog is called "Fat and Bald".

Faster broadband

Hopefully I'll be upgraded to a faster boradband soon. Currently my "two green monitors" icon next to the clock in the system tray show 576,000 bps - hopefully I will be going along at twice that speed for the same price. I can download more crap each month.

Rich-o-meter

Rich-o-meter

The UK version

Global Rich List

Global Rich List

So I'm well off after all according to this.